…or so it does on here anyway.
This is a hard one for me. As it is for many people who suffer with mental health issues.
Let’s face it, it’s not easy for people to come right out and say that they are struggling, that there’s these storm clouds hanging above their head and they are drowning in that darkness that they bring.
I know that all too well. Using a facade, a mask even to hide away how I truly feel to everyone around me. To not be a problem or burden. It’s something for me that’s pretty much autopilot. Something that’s now a learned behaviour. Not speaking out when I truly need to… I digress.. I guess I’m just saying I get it. Mental health isn’t fun. It isn’t easy to talk about.
- ****I’m still yet to see the psychiatrist who might say different or agree with my CPN. This notice is just to clarify that this isn’t a self diagnosis****
I, according to my CPN am suffering from dysthymia, which is persistent mild depression which has lasted for 2 or more years. (For me a little along the lines of 14-15 years before i finally tried to get help) Which doesn’t mean I don’t get really bad days. Cause.. I do. Oh boy do I get those and they’re what have led me to get this help that i guess I needed more than I honestly thought.
So, yeah. The opening up is hard. Talking to others for me is very overwhelming. It’s very hard to come out and say how I’m feeling, to say what’s going on in my head and how it’s affecting me. It’s extremely daunting as I don’t want to be a burden to everyone around me and so forth. As many of you probably know that that could go on and on and on.
However, I find that I can write how I truly feel far better than I can actually say it. Which, is also probably true for others going through this dark time. Hence, why I thought I’d start a blog about my mental health issues, my struggles, my recovery and one day.. I’ll be free, with good mental health and i’ll keep going with this blog and support others through their recovery whilst maintaining that good mental health.
One day. As there’s no magical cure. You don’t feel better overnight and can’t just shake it off and feel perfectly good again. It’s a journey (as i’ve been told.. repeatedly).
So, I guess we’ll take each and every day as it comes.
So, with that being said, bear in mind that this is going to be a mental health blog. It’s going to be full of my experiences. Which means it’s going to have my good days, my bad days. My experiences with various therapies, courses, the UK mental health services and my own attempts at self help. Maybe eventually too, questions from others and discussions etc too. (But that’ll probably be in the distant future)
As I have stated, I am only starting my recovery journey, so please note I will have some bad days and if I do post on my bad days. They won’t be too pretty. But I feel sometimes, it may be necessary to showcase the bad along with the good since you never know… Someone might relate to the bad and reach out for help. Don’t worry though, if they are triggering.. I will put a warning beforehand but I will try and steer away from making said posts too triggering and probably will publish them when I’m not feeling as bad as I do when I type them out. (They’ll probably need a ton of editing anyway)
I hope that this blog reaches those who may be feeling the same and not realising they may need help and/or need pointing in the right direction. I will do my best to help you. I also hope that it shows that you don’t need to struggle alone. There is help. There are people who care. You will get through this.
So.. Hi. This is what I guess I can call my blog. My name’s Gemma, i’m a misfit and this is my mental health recovery journey.
No-one has to struggle alone, no-one has to stay silent. Raise your voice, be heard. I can do this, You can do this, we can do this together.
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